Conflict in the workplace is inevitable.
Whether it’s a miscommunication, unmet expectations, or clashing work styles, friction is part of the job. But there’s no silver bullet for it.
Conflict resolution starts with the human beings involved, not a script.
Why Self-Reflection is the First Step in Conflict Resolution
When in conflict, it’s easy to blame others. That only perpetuates the conflict.
To truly make a change, we have to first look at our own side of the street.
Before pointing fingers or drafting bullet points for your next difficult conversation, ask:
- What’s my role in creating this conflict?
- How can I prepare myself to show up constructively?
- How can we create a win-win?
The more you show up from self-awareness and responsibility, the more likely it is that others will follow suit.
Use “I” Statements
It’s important to use “I” statements as much as possible.
In other words, speak to the ways you’ve shown up and how the situation has impacted you, rather than pointing fingers at the “you”s involved.
For example: “When this happened, I felt undervalued for the amount of effort I’ve put in,” as opposed to “You made me feel undervalued.”
This signals ownership rather than blame. It even demonstrates vulnerability, which allows others to drop down their guards and speak openly.
Why Psychological Safety Matters
Psychological safety means that people feel free to share their ideas, questions, and concerns without fear.
In a psychologically safe environment, conflict can actually be an important growth opportunity for everyone involved. Here’s how you can make that happen:
Invite Teamwork
Remember, you’re on the same team, not against each other. Ask open-ended questions like, “What challenges are you facing?” or “How can we work together to improve this situation?”
Encourage Discussion
Practice vulnerability so that others also feel safe to open up. Create intentional opportunities for team members to talk about how to improve team practices and habits. Invest in team building as regular group maintenance.
Without real connections and spaces for discourse, team culture flounders.
Listen Actively
Let others share their perspective without interruption. This allows them to trust you and shows them that you value their input.
Before you respond, repeat your understanding of what they said back to them to make sure you fully understand their perspective.
How Self-Regulation Makes a Difference in Conflicts
Conflict can naturally be emotionally charged. Don’t forget to check in with yourself. Here are some techniques to adjust your internal state to meet the moment:
Techniques like deep breathing and body scans can help you stay calm and present during these moments.
Breathwork: Your breath is one of the most powerful self-regulation tools you have. For example, you can try the Physiological Sigh: two quick inhales through your nose, followed by a long exhale through your mouth. This can calm any anxiety and help your body reset.
Sensory Input: Tapping into the senses can easily shift how your body feels. Feeling cold water on your skin or focusing your gaze can energize you. Feeling warm water or softening your gaze can calm you down.
Creative Activities: Creative work or play can either calm or energize you. It all depends on the activity and how it lands for your unique needs. Painting, for example, might relax one person and spark energy in another. Play around and experiment. Don’t forget to have fun as you explore what works for you.
But to have the capacity to reflect, regulate, and respond, you need to support the systems that fuel those abilities. In other words, you need to care for the fundamental pillars of your well-being.
Sleep: Rested Brains Handle Conflict Better
Ever find yourself being quicker to frustration after a poor night’s sleep? That’s not a coincidence.
Sleep does way more than support energy. It’s a cornerstone of emotional regulation. When you’re underslept, your ability to cope with stress is much weaker.
Parents know this intuitively. A child who’s missed a nap is much quicker to be snappy and moody. Adults are no different; we just tend to be better at masking it.
So when you’re gearing up for a tense team meeting or trying to resolve workplace tension, ask yourself: Did I sleep well last night? If not, you’re less likely to stay calm, curious, and compassionate — all vital traits for resolution.
Fueling: What You Eat Shapes How You React
We’ve all felt the sharp edge of feeling “hangry.” But the science runs deeper than missed snacks.
Your eating and hydration habits have a huge impact on your brain chemistry and mood. Your brain is a priceless tool, and it needs premium fuel to run smoothly. And a poorly fueled body has insufficient resources to help you regulate emotions effectively.
Would you rather go into conflict mediation feeling sluggish and dehydrated? Or would you rather feel grounded and energized from nutrient-dense foods and proper hydration?
Before walking into a difficult conversation with employees or coworkers, ask: Have I nourished myself today, and over the past week, in a way that supports my mood and focus?
If not, you’re entering the conversation at a disadvantage.
Show Up Aligned
At the end of the day, the best ways to deescalate a conflict in the workplace aren’t about clever rebuttals or memorizing communication frameworks.
They’re about showing up with the biological and psychological capacity to listen, regulate, and connect.
Want to build better collaboration within your team? Talk to us about bringing Exos’ Team Builder workshop to your organization.
